A Hearts On Fire Review TWO & A HALF STARS-- 'It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.'Why am I quoting "The Silence of the Lambs"? I'll get to that in my review. Just hold that thought.R.W. Clinger's "Torso Tackle" is a story featuring a cheating, love triangle. Based on the book blurb, 23 year old(in the book Sebastian claims to be 26 years old-discrepancy with the blurb) physical therapist, Sebastian, has a crush on two straight men in his life. One being model, roommate and his best friend, Ben and the other being Sebastian's football star/ quarterback patient, Jory Sole. And Ben is in a relationship with a woman and also Sebastian's friend, Zoe. But Ben has awesome skin. It apparently helps tantalize and seduce the both his roommate and quarterback LA. Both men remarked on Sebastian's skin a lot it was borderline creepy, hence my Silence of the Lambs reference because everytime someone mentioned skin (even Zoe talks about the skin seduction), I was slightly grossed out.The story had a decent plot line - Sebastian starts a sexual relationship with both men (they just love that skin) Ben - he's using Sebastian under the guise of being a "friend" and "in love" and Jory, who told Sebastian he was probably gay from being hugged by his mother a lot as a boy, is not out due to his profession but did a piss poor job of hiding his sexuality by frequenting many gay establishments. I liked the story...BUT...the over descriptions and weird euphemisms murdered this tale. I was all in for this story in the beginning. Then this quote made me pause:"I become dizzy under his man-potion-"Then this one made me shudder:"Perspiration from our bodies seals us together, like beeswax to a medieval envelope."Yes these are actual quotes. Do not plan to read a serious story. Actually just take a walk with me to the land of Absurdia, shall we? I just started to have fun with it because what else can do you with a zinger like this:"I allow him to bang my cave with his vigorous energy, and note that there is nothing wimpish regarding our bond. Nothing puerile or delicate. Our link is chastely munificent and congenial, and exactly what we both desire."I have so many quotes from this story. They made me laugh out loud but I doubt that is what the author was going for. I have never read so many odd euphemisms for cock ever. A sample..."pent rod" or my favorite "bolt". And the flowery over descriptions for the sex? Oh man. I mean you read the quotes I've added. Here's one more:“I came prepared.”“For what?”“The handjob you’re about to give me.”“Who says I’m going to do that?”“Both of us know you can’t resist.”I’m right. He starts firming up the device between my legs, massaging its skin in a north and south motion, causing me to breathe heavily from his handy pleasure. The ending was okay. I wanted to love this story. I did not hate it, it was just memorable for all the wrong reasons. Ben was a jerk and treated Sebastian like a simpleton sex toy. They were wrong for what they did but his excuses were lame. Sebastian was an oversexed fiend. And Jory...meh, he was okay-ish.What to expect after reading "Torso Tackle"? A lot of different descriptions for anything sexual especially describing penis (example: "my extension of protein" - I'm not kidding you!) or semen ("pent flood"), fluttery, flowery weird over descriptions, brand name dropping, numerous remarks about SKIN and a so-so story buried under all of...that.
